some shine, sunshine.

Whenever you get the chance to sit back, and reflect on your life, what is your conclution?
Are you happy with your accomplishments? Are you feeling pleased where you stand? Is something missing?
Now your probably thinking something like 'everyone is missing someone or something all the time, no matter how much they work to get it.'
Well, if you were; you're probably right. The sad thing is that people always have a tendency to pursue what they don't possess- more money, better friends, better jobs, more success, the list could probably go on and on.
Why can't we just be happy with what we've got?
I'm sitting here, right now thinking about this. In some ways, I am so happy i could burst. I have everything i need, and more. My daughter is growing bigger and stronger and smarter, getting more beautiful by the minute. But still i have this feeling inside. I can't even name this feeling. So i am gonna take a wild guess and say it is because there's something- maybe even someone, missing in my life.
I could say I feel depressed and sad, confused and angry, frustrated, and scared even. And I honestly don't think i would be exagerating. It's like a big ball inside of me i can't seem to get rid of. And even if I do know I'm ok, We are ok, I can't make it disappear.
so what do I have to do to get rid of it then?
Accomplish my goals? But what are my goals? All i can see, is crossroads, one after the other.
And the worst part: Whatever I think about doing, what I feel might be something i should do, or want to do, I get held back. And i don't even think they know they are the ones holding me back. Maybe it's not even their fault. It's just who they are.
Maybe it's just my heart feeling to much. I mean, why should I feel bad for doing something I want? Why do I always consider others feelings, before my own, when I KNOW that's ludacris. I always tell people to be selfish to a certain degree. "Think of yourself! If your loved ones are gonna be ok, YOU have to be ok. If your loved ones are to be happy, YOU have to be happy. How do you accomplish this? Pursue your dreams! Tell yourself you can do this!"
Why can't I follow my own advice?
Maybe it's not the people around me holding me back. Maybe it is me.
Would make sence. It's not their fault I can't respect myself.
Because that is what it is all about. Respecting yourself. If I respected myself, I would do more to get what I want. But instead I go by others wishes.
Or maybe I'm just scared, just making up excuses as I go.
wich one is it?

All in all, I am just a confused lady with inner conflicts, I guess you would say.
I'm probably not the only one.
- I am happy. I am happy. I wouldn't trade this life for anything. I don't know what i would do without Sol Angelica. My sunshine in this somewhat cloudy world. And offcourse there's my wonderful friends, and family, last but not least. They are all great.
But they cannot give what I need. Obviously. If they did, would I be feeling this then?
Probably not.
But I am gonna go to bed now, knowing I am loved, knowing that I love, knowing I have reasons to live, no matter what is lacking. whatever is not there, will come around at some point if it is meant to be. Don't you think?

I love you all, you color my world!

Fear and Loathing

"is there no hope then, and I have nothing but sleepless nights ahead. Fearing the one demon so close to me, but still so far from my reason. What is it about a man so simple, so destructable that even a child could bring him to oblivion, that puts such a fright so deep into my soul?"

-BitterSweet

One thing i can't forget, that none can forget, is how fragile human is.

The many worlds in ink.

Marvelous adventures, amazing creatures, hansom heroes, evil badguys, -the list goes endlessly!

The many worlds in ink; just go to the first page, and dream away.

personally, i like the worlds beyond much better than this world. maybe because i am tired of this one, maybe i am unconciously longing for something better, who knows. All i know, is that there is no better way of escaping this world's, our world's stress, trivial to-dolists, and endless nagging from our bosses, parents, children, teachers -or even the sicly ol' lady over at the supermarket- than opening our favourite book; the safe and known, or maybe you like to start a new adventure when you have returned from another.

Not to mention the amount of books there is in this world. Every book with it's own story.

amazing, isn't it?

Now, I am perfectly sure that there are alot of people out there who would prefer our world, or even movies. And i can realy understand that -atleast the moviepart. I have a very large collection of my own. But I still find the books more enchanting. You can freely use your imagination for what it's worth. There is none to tell you what that one-legged old man with the silvercane Realy look like, or what the gypsywoman Realy sound like when she sings.

That is all up to you. the description is there, oh yes. But there is so much more to it. you have to feel it, and see it to realy understand. The writer simply.. leave us little clues about every little detail, so we can easier picture it. None ever sees the exact same thing, or hear the exact same voice, and none ever will.

It becomes Your world.

I just finished the Inkheart-trilogy, and it was amazing. It realy blew me away. I was so captured by the story, the people, and the creatures, as if i was there when it all happend. And i find myself missing everyone! Like they are a part of me, and a part of my life. Now, thats how it is suppose to be!

Whenever the characters cried, I cried, and when they laughed, i laughed, and when they were so filled with fright that they couldn't move, I found myself in the same situation. I felt paralyzed. Goozebumps, shaking hands, running hearts, tears, yoy, anger, sadness, it was all there, and i would not want it any other way!

And when I reach the "the end" i feel melancholy. I feel happiness, for the story ends happily, i feel sadness for having to leave them all behind.

No. I wouldnt trade those feelings for anything in the world.

i recommend all of you to get your hands on those books, if you are realy looking for a sidetracker.

------------------------------------------------

Hello dearest readers.

long time no see!

i feel like there is so much to tell you!

but realy, there isn't much new.

Besides the fact that my oneyearold is walking all by herself, or that she can say

mommy now! Makes my mommyheart feel so proud.

And i find myself smiling as i am writing this.

she has gotten so big, and so independent, I am having a

hard time beliving it was only a year ago that

she so gracefully, for all extensive perposes, came into this world.

my little angelic devil is growing up!

As for me; still wandering around where i have been this past

year or so.

Told you there wasn't much new.

Halloween is comming up though, and the excitement

is almost to carve through with a vegetableknife!

Gotta love puns, hehe.

And my babygirl has got the sweetest costume

you can find on this side of the world, i swear.

Thanks and props to her grandma!

will attach a picture sometime this week.

--------------------------------------------

I guess that is it for now.

i hope you all have a good day, a great week, and a fantastic halloween!

hugs and kisses from your dearest

Marita

socially challenged - they say it is not an illness..

these past couple of days I have been going about several debates online, reading about freedom of speach and moral consideration for other human being, finding that there are too many people out there in the world who seems to belive that freedom of speach is NOT in fact affected by, nore should it be affected by consideration of others feelings. OK, I will give you that much; according to law, this is correct. BUT I really must disagree, never the less.
what ever happend to human rights? love thy next?
I am not saying you should not speak your oppinions, or meanings, but there are other things to consider when you talk.
personally, I do not care if someone comments a picture of me, telling me i am hidious, or that i am a poser, or whatever they might say. what bothers me is that these people have absolutely NO respect, what so ever, for other human beings, and it is in fact very disturbing.
there is a BIG difference between speaking your oppinion, and being a total jack**s about it.
here is an example for you: say you stumble in to a profile that belongs to a 14 year old girl. you see alot of pictures of her, she seems very confident, and more than willing to show this to the rest of us. you, on the other hand, find her unattractive. now you have got two choices; number 1) you tell her, white lies aside, that she is b*ttugly, and that she should remove her pictures, in order to spare the eyes of other people. or number 2) you could just simply Click your way out from her profile, and spend no more time on her.
It is not that hard!
I am sure there are others who would disagree with you, and find her attractive.
Buth, sadly, there seems to be alot of people who thinks that others feeling does not matter.
If they are confronted about it, they defend themselves with, what do you know, freedom of speach, and that it is not their fault people do not have an x amount of selfirony in them.
i find this very ridiculous. this does not justify immoral behavier.
** this post is not ment to offend anyone. I am simply speaking my oppinion **


In other news!
alot has happend since my last post. ( I must apologize to my few, but loyal readers, about my absence, do to lack of internetpossibilities. )
My beautiful babygirl has grown, and gotten so big! and she is very close to walking on her own, she tries her very best to speak words, and she has gotten very fond of cuddling, to her mommas big joy!
and upcomming monday, is her first day in kindergarten. we are very excited! her birthday is comming up, just around the corner. the 21st of september she celebrates her very first birthday, 1 year old! times goes by so fast. seems like just yesterday i was craddling her in my arms. and now she barely has time to grant her momma a look, since there is so much to do, and so much to learn. i can not help but to smile.
on the other hand, I just sent of the contract to my school for the next 3 years. online that is.
on this year's plan; history and norwegian. I cannot wait!
finally i will have something else to do, besides chores and diaperchanging!

--------------------------

Whenever life gets difficult, I try to take a step back, to see clearly. It is not always
that easy, to block out irritation and anger, or sadness and frustration. but if you try hard enough, you will get there. and when you do; everything is so much easier to see, to handle.
I find myself in a situation interrupted by just those feelings, one after the other.
when I find that my patience is running low, or that my energy is abscent, i need to
step back, not just for me, but for my daughter, to regain focuse. because everything that goes through me, passes on to her, and that is something that can be both great, and not so great.
just take a deep breath, and focuse.

--------------------------

summary:

-thoughts out in the open (check)

-daily life (check)

-advice (check)

i guess thats all for this time. I do not have time to write anymore at this point, but i am sure to be back here soon enough!

farewell!

666 degrees of desperation!

..Today was devilish! warm, you say? wow, that word does not even beGIN to cover it, my friend!
been outside most part of the day, licking sun and enjoying my little angel's good mood. (although, she did get a weebit cranky every once in a while) but that is most certainly understandable!
I think I got twice the tan i had yesterday when I went to bed, and that is something! not that I intentionally buckle up for the tan-slide, BUT who in the H*** could possibly cover up in such weather?
not this girl.

--------------

Some people are just so unintelligable. i wonder how people can change so drasticly over just one short period of time. you would expect to have some sort of forshadowing of what was going on, but just out of the blue you see that person become someone else, as if there were no other.
this has happend to so many people i knew, or more correctly; thought I knew.
maybe it's some sort of identitycrisis? or maybe they just find another way of living, simple as that.. whatever the reason is; it does not only change them, it changes their surroundings to.
I do not think none of them would ever consider how their change affects the people around them. because I do belive they are fully aware of these changes, even though they might not admit to it.
but one positive thing the people surrounding them learns about this is; no matter how much you think you know someone, you never know them enough.
-and no matter how sure you are of the future; it will always surprise you in the end.

--------------

today is finally over, and it is time welcome the sandman, i assume.
tomorrow is the start of the weekend,and I am looking forward to it. tomorrow my little nudger is going to to her grandpa's for an over-nighter. she is staying there till saturday, but that is more than enough time for me to get some private time, just relaxing and enjoying whatever i can.
I got no plans for saturday yet though, but i guess I'll think of something remarkable to do. lol.

so..summary:
-thoughts out in the open (check)
-today's occurancies (check)
-plans for tomorrow (check)

I really hope you're day was as good as mine!
goodnight-wishes to all!

-farewell for now

True Blood, Indeedy

Now that is a very odd show. I have to say, though; I am very fascinated by the objects of the whole scenario. The vampires- an axcepted being, a part of the homo sapiens.
i have to laugh.
The whole southern premises is giving the entire serie the comedian touch it needs.
I am still not sure rather I like it, or not. If 'like' is even the right word. the acting could be a piece to discuss, and the script seems a bit overdone, BUT in overall the show is, like I said, fascinating in it's one way, and I am still intrigued by the characters nevertheless.

Maybe because I am a fanatic, incurable vampire-fan? i would assume that in the end, I would probably wind up enjoying all with vampyric objects, funny as it sounds.
Still, the show has alot of ideas that are actually quit good, or in some cases; could be good.
the fact that humans and vampires live in 'peaceful' interaction to say the most,
the synthetic blood, making a more kind and loving vampires you dont hear to much about.
It is good news.
-the vampireworld is in change.


over to something else. today was in general a very good day. great, warm weather, social, and i got alot done. yesterday i walked through the entire day thinking about hving the feeling something had slipped my mind. well, ladies and gent's, i finally pointed it out to myself. one word; phonecalls. i had a couple of very important connections to talk to about something not being mentioned. so i finally got ridd of that irritating, itchy thought! hurrays on my behalf!
anywho; after wking up around 6.30, we got up. i took a nice, warm, adn very wakening shower, got dressed and ready for a new day.
before noon we did not do much but relax at home on the porch. the weather is nice, what else do you do?
but when my little angel woke upi from her early nap, we saddled up and went to visit my aunt. being to restless because of the heat, I could not stay to long, and I still had some shopping to attend to, so she offered to keep an eye on my toddler while i was at the store, wich was fine with me, giving the shopping would be a little less stressful.
by the time I got back, it was almost dinnertime, so we just had to head home, agreed with my aunt to repeat this sit-down again very soon.
after dinner, it was time for nap again, so i had a weebit of freetime to pass, so i just enjoyed some TV, and an occationary smoke outside in the sun.
my dad called about 17:00, letting me know he was on his bycycle on his way over. fair enough, that would only cheer up my babygirl, being all tired and exhausted after a day in the sun.
and he offerd to give her bath aswell, so that gave me the chance to clean up and get everything else done, so when she had fallen asleep, i could just sit back an enjoy the rest of the evening!
Amen to that!

tomorrow is gonna be a great day aslwell. been promised a warm sunny day, just like today. my cousin is coming over, and that is always a joy! and maybe my brother to, to watch out for my little nudger while i run off and do some errands. it is not for sure yet, though, so I am hoping to get a call from him soon!

so.. summary:
-thoughts out in the open (check)
-todays occurances (check)
-plans for tomorrow (check)

i guess that is all then! i hope you hd a great day, and I will check in tomorrow!
Adiòs!

is this a dream

I came across a beautiful song, made and performed by Karen Smith, on youtube.com
She wrote this song with Stephenie Meyer's New Moon on her mind, and is now hoping it would be considered for New Moon The Movie's Soundtrack. And let's admit; that is understandable!
when I listened to this song, i had goosbumps! it is beautiful, with few words, tho the words realy say it all! it's got grace, and wonder, and mystique; i imagen this song would fit perfectly with the scene where Edward leaves Bella. yep, thats where im picturing it, and i want to belive that is where it is intended to belong. Some people would call it stupid and utterly ridiculous to think that someone not known would get their song on a soundtrack of this hight, but i say keep it going! there is nothing that claimes this girl is out of her league, in fact; i think she's got the better chance! as long as we, the Twilighters, help her persue her dream.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjOW8KFf6eI
så please, spread the word!


if I look back two years, I would never have thought that my life would change so drastically in so short a matter of time. it would never occure to me that I would be a mother to a beautiful babygirl, nore that my priorities and way of thought would be so far of base(at that time).
now it all makes sence. I would not have made a different choice, taken another path, because this is what i was suppose to choose. i can feel it so profoundly in my heart, that this is my life, and that it is not meant to be otherwise.
sure, there are things I miss. I miss being able to get up and leave whenever i wish. I miss sleeping in. But most of all, I miss not having to feel like even though I am doing my best, it is not necessarily good enough. and by that I mean for my little Angel. I know though, she has got a great life. She has many people in her life, family and friends that are amazing towards her, and i have to admit, she is treated like a princess, and nothing less!
and that is all i need to know. that she is ok. that she will grow up knowing she is loved.
that is all we all need to know, right?

and speaking of love; my cat is pregnant; again. she is getting huge, and her feeding has doubled. its crazy. but i love cats thought, so i take care of her the best i can. i just hope hope this time she will deliver in the home, instead of outside. i didn't even get the chance to see those little furballs before they got killed. it is so sad..
cats are lucky they don't feel that same sorrow human does. she just got right back on that horse, you know. her name is Bella Donna. black with alittle intimation of red in is, the fur is long and soft. and her eyes are big and yellow. so beautiful. her name suits her.

well. another great day is over! we did not do much today, just stayed at home, enjoying eachothers company! nothing better than that, i must say!
tomorrow we are gonna take the stroller, and go down to the store, buy some food and other necessary objects! hoping for sun, though. it is so much better to be outside when it is sunny, obviously!

so.. summary:
-listen up! (check)
-personal observation (check)
-todays accomplishments (check)
-plans for tomorrow (check)

i guess that is it for today then!
i hope you all enjoyd this day as much as I did! if not: better luck tomorrow, just hang in there!

tattah for now!